Okay, so I thought I would tackle a really common and a really difficult question we get asked a lot by the ladies. How do you get your husband or boyfriend to learn to dance with you? I thought it would be best for me to take on this big question instead of Dawn since, at one time, I was in your husband/boyfriend’s shoes. That’s right, there was a time when I had no interest in learning to dance. So what magic did Dawn work on me? Well, she wanted to learn to dance for our wedding and decided to bring up the idea of taking lessons right at the point where she was most stressed out with the wedding planning. Needless to say, the potential outcome of saying “no” didn’t seem too appealing so I humored her and went along with it. As we’ve said since, she drug me out to the first lesson and I drug her back.

So having been in the “I don’t want to dance” mode, what advice can I give to you to help you convince your husband or boyfriend to dance?

The disclaimer: Keep in mind that there isn’t a silver bullet approach. If your husband or boyfriend really doesn’t want to dance, he won’t. You can’t force him. The best you can do is to encourage him to try out dancing to see for himself if he really likes it or not. Given this, there are several things you can do to help the process along.

What he means: Most of the time, there is more to “I don’t want to dance” than face value. For the typical American male, he is expressing that he is extremely uncomfortable with the idea of learning to dance. Let’s face it, our society is geared towards encouraging men in sports and not in the arts. To many, the thought of dancing might not be that bad, but the initial steps to learning to dance is intimidating to say the least. This is what you have to overcome. It’s your job to be encouraging and make him feel comfortable.

The odds: The odds are actually in your favor. The biggest hurdle is just getting guys out dancing for the first time or two. Once they discover that it is fun, they usually want to come back for more. This was true in my case, and we see it time and time again in our classes and at our dances. More often than not, beginner classes have more ladies than guys. However, the more advanced the class gets, the offset tends to go the other way. You start to end up with more guys than girls. Why is this? Well, there are many reasons, but one of them is that guys tend to stick with dancing longer than women. Women tend to view dancing as a fun and casual hobby. However, for guys, once they get hooked on dancing they tend to become die-hards. Besides the fact that dancing is a confidence booster, once guys start to master a skill like dancing, they tend to stick with it.

So what can you do?

Encourage and discuss. Whatever you do, don’t push or force him into dancing. That won’t make a pleasant experience for either of you. Instead, discuss with him that you would like to learn to dance together. The together part is important. So many couples today have different careers and different hobbies. Spending time together is becoming a rarity. Dancing is a hobby that you can share together and use to spend evenings out together. In addition, it’s an activity that strengthens your relationship and forces you to work together as a team. This is an excellent point to bring up to encourage him to try it out. Also mention that he won’t look silly or out of place and that you’ll be right there in the same boat the whole time. You can also bring up things like the exercise aspects of dancing, how social it is, and how much fun dancing is. The romantic aspects of dancing don’t tend to have big appeal with guys and you might want to spend less time on these.

Find the right place. Once your significant other has decided to give dancing a try, you need to select the right place to start. This can make all the difference in the world and spell success or failure for your dancing future. Look for classes or lessons that are cost effective for you. That way he can’t say “it’s too expensive”. Watch out for studios that offer attractive intro rates but drastically increase their rates after the introduction period is over. Also, be sure to interview your potential instructor. Find out how friendly and encouraging they are. Ask how many other beginner couples they have worked with and what they do to make them feel at ease. Make sure their personality will blend well with yours and your boyfriend/husband’s. This is the biggest factor in success. The only reason I returned after my very first lesson is because my instructor made it fun.

Find the right dance. This is something people often forget about. Ladies might be interested in the grace of waltz and the romance of tango and prefer to learn ballroom dancing. However, this may not appeal to guys. Men may be more interested in street dances such as salsa or swing. Be sure to discuss this with your husband or boyfriend. You may want to focus on a form of music he likes and learn a dance works best with that. Granted, I am bias, but swing tends to offer the most universal appeal for guys. It’s sort of a “safe dance”. It’s fun and energetic and doesn’t tend to have many traits that the American male would label as “feminine”. It doesn’t require you to move your hips like in a Latin dance and can be applied to a wide variety of music styles (probably one of which your S.O. likes). While ballroom dance shows boomed on TV recently, we’ve actually seen many couples turn to swing dancing because it is a form of music and dancing that both enjoys.

Lost in a crowd (or not). Some guys react better to group classes and some better to private lessons. This is something to bring up and discuss. Group classes are more cost effective plus it tends to show guys that they are not the only person in the learning process. However, some guys may react better to a few private lessons to start out with. The one-on-one attention may be more encouraging. Ether way you go, be sure you go out and dance. You won’t become good dancers by lessons alone. You have to apply what you learn. In this case, it’s often good to go out to a more crowded dance night for the first few times. Guys tend to fear being put in the spotlight. There is no better way to overcome this than being lost in a crowd.

Maybe a trade? Relationships involve give and take. Is it really fair that he tries something you want to do, but you don’t do the same in return? Offer to return the favor. Maybe offer to take some golf lessons with him or whatever he is interested in. We’ve seen this work for several couples. Not only do they end up with one hobby they enjoy together, but they get two!

Most of the time, the hardest part is getting guys over their initial fear of learning to dance. For many, it’s the fist time they have been exposed to such a thing and can lead to being very apprehensive. The best you can do is be encouraging and reassuring. Nine times out of ten, guys discover that dancing is a lot of fun and is a great activity that you can do together.

Interesting things to note: Single guys are usually very open to learning to dance since it’s a great way to meet other single people. Guys in new relationships are usually fairly open as well as it’s fun to find new activities you can do as a couple. However, the longer guys have been in a relationship, the harder it is to convince them to try dancing. This doesn’t mean it’s impossible. We just get set in our ways and sometimes it takes some encouragement to try something new.

Does it ever work the other way around? Yes. While it tends to be the rare case, we have seen some guys that have a hard time getting their wives/girlfriends to dance.

So it’s your big day and everything has to be perfect. Dress, tux, flowers, food, music, invitations… they’ve all been checked off the list… but wait! What about the wedding dance? What do you do about that? You’ve never danced in front of people in your entire life… at least not in the spotlight. Now what? Just the thought makes you nervous and you don’t know where to begin.

Dawn and I were in a similar boat about 10 years ago. We were about one month out from the big day and most details were in the finalizing stage of the planning process. Dawn was stressed to the max when she tackled the whole dance issue. She did what most people do and called the local ballroom dance studio for a few lessons. Having never danced before, the idea didn’t appeal to me, but I humored her and went along with it as not to add to her stress levels. Fortunately for us, our instructor was welcoming, encouraging, and made the lesson fun. The idea of a wedding routine was posed to us and we signed up for some more lessons to learn it. The big day came, and the routine was a hit (yes, the photo on the right is actually us). Unlike many couples, we decided to keep learning dance after the wedding. I credit this to the welcoming personality of our instructor. Since then, we became interested in vintage swing dances and, as they say, the rest is history.

So, ten years later, countless hours chalked up on the dance floor, and having since become instructors, what is our advice on wedding dances? Well, let me say that prepping people for wedding dances is not our specialty. However, over the years, we have worked with some couples who wanted to do a swing dance for their wedding. So the advice we give is based of a combination of our own wedding dance, looking back on it now with years of dance experience, having worked with some couples getting married, and having since attended many weddings. So what wisdom can we relay?

Choose your song wisely. The music can really make or break your dance. You may love the lyrics or meaning of a song, but the song may be exceedingly difficult to dance to. It might be too slow (like ours was) or too fast. Also be careful not to pick a trendy song that you may one day cringe when you hear (we were guilty of that too). You don’t want to tell your kids about your wedding song and have them giggle and get that “mom and dad are so old” look. Keep in mind that there are good reasons timeless songs are… well… timeless.

Routines = Stress. Special choreography designed just for you and tailored to the meaningfulness of your song just sounds like a perfect compliment to your big day. Not to mention, choreographed dance routines are the in thing. I’ve even seen some studios making a special wedding dance that is unique to just you. Others teach “assembly line” style wedding routines. But let’s think about it for a minute. Dance routines can be stressful for experienced dancers, let alone people just starting out. Learning a routine is one more element of stress in an already hectic period in your life. I can say that from experience. I remember standing at the alter, waiting for Dawn to walk down the isle, running a dance routine through my mind over and over again. My mind should have been occupied with other, more useful, things. We were both nervous about getting it right, and scared how bad it would look if it went wrong, and were so relieved when it was over. It went over well, but could it have been better? In hind site, yes.

There is also more to consider beyond the stress of a routine. A lot of thought process goes into memorizing and executing a routine. This is especially true for beginners. This tends to make the actual dancing in the routine look stiff, mechanical, and unnatural.

Learn to dance! Believe it or not, it is far easier to learn to dance than to learn a routine. The time you would spend learning a routine can easily be spent becoming comfortable with dancing. It doesn’t have to be complicated. First, work with your instructor to find the kind of dance that works with your song choice (fox trot, waltz, swing, rumba, etc.). Then, learn the basic of that dance and a few core moves. Focus on that dance and become comfortable with it. Practice dancing to your song and songs with similar rhythms. During the time you are learning to dance for your wedding, don’t be distracted by other dances. Studios may try to sell you on “the 10 dances”. You can always learn those later, for now, work on your wedding dance. This way, when you go out to dance for your first dance, you can comfortably dance the basic and some key turns and moves. Will you hit every break and highlight in the song? No. Will people notice? No. What people will notice is that you look comfortable and natural dancing together. That will leave a lasting impression, and, unless all your family and friends are experienced die-hard dancers, you’ll be surprised how much a few basic turns and moves smoothly executed will impress people!

Lead in, lead out… it’s so easy! There are some ways to make the few basic turns and moves you know look like a routine, but without all the stress and memorization. The easiest way is to work out what you are going to do at the start and end of the song. In other words, work with each other or your instructor on a fancy way of walking out on the dance floor as the song starts. In addition, work out a special move you’ll do as the songs ends. In between those two points, just dance. Have fun, smile, and lead what moves pop in your head. Want to take it a little further? If your song has a break or crescendo, work out a move to do when you hear that coming. But that is purely optional. The key is to look natural, have fun, and dance what you know.

Avoid the crunch! Don’t wait till the last minute to learn to dance for your wedding day! Routine or not, this holds true. If you go to an instructor or studio a week before the wedding, there won’t be much they can do. Any way you go, plan out at least a month in advance. The more time you allow the better your wedding dance will be. If you have a good instructor, learning to dance for your wedding can be enjoyable and a stress relief from the hectic nature of wedding planning.

Say cheese! Don’t forget about your wedding photographer! You’re paying good money for great photos, so let’s get the most out of them! A simple dip goes a long way. Yeah, it may be a little cliche, but it’s eye candy and, if done right, looks great in pictures. Avoid the broken back backwards lean. In a nice dip, the lady should feel supported. She should be able to do it in any kind of wedding dress and her feet don’t have to leave the ground. A simple dip can look awesome! Be sure to tell your photographer ahead of time when to expect it. When the time comes, look at the camera and smile!

A wedding dance doesn’t have to be complicated to look good. Keep in mind that a routine will be forgotten after the wedding and live only in the video you occasionally dust off on your book shelf. If you learn the basics of the dance that fits your song, you’ll be left with knowing how to dance after the wedding and you’ve laid the foundation for learning more if you so choose. Either way, you looked comfortable and confident on the dance floor for your wedding and you now have something to enjoy together in your married life.

Pop culture has the simple formula “swing = aerials” stuck in their mind. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen couples attempt aerials on their first night out dancing. Fortunately, it has become an uncommon site in recent years. To watch someone untrained toss or get tossed into the air is quite simply scary. Aerials and tricks are a fun part of swing dancing, however, this article hitting national news today should be a warning. Know what you are doing before both of your feet or your partner’s feet leave the ground! Learn the basics of the dance first. Then learn all the ins and outs of the trick you are trying to attempt (including all the safety aspects). Aerials and tricks are just that… tricks. They never involve brute force “lift and throw”. For any move involving both feet leaving the ground, make sure you do them with a partner you have practiced the move with beforehand. Most ladies don’t like to find themselves suddenly airborne on the social dance floor.